10 Choices Successful Couples Make: The Secret to Love That Lasts a Lifetime by Dr. Ron Welch
Most books on marriage
rightly address communication and conflict as key issues, then advise readers
on how to fight fair since conflict is an inevitable reality and cannot be
avoided. But Dr. Ron Welch asks the provocative question, Is it? Is
every marriage doomed to one conflict after another? Shouldn't we expect better
In this practical and encouraging book, Welch offers a far more positive approach to marriage, outlining 10 specific choices couples can make to minimize or even avoid conflict and increase joy. With his expert guidance, couples will learn how to employ proven strategies to
- communicate accurately and positively
- choose forgiveness over unforgiveness
- understand their marriage type
- and make decisions more effectively
Whether they are engaged, newly married, or have been married for decades, couples will find that this book will transform their relationship.
Marriage is about choices. So many of us go through life thinking we don’t any control over key things such as our marriages. We believe that things are the way they are and there’s nothing we can do to change it. In 10 Choices Successful Couples Make, Dr. Welch reminds us that marriage is a choice and points out a number of decisions we make in our marriage every day.
He also reminded us that because we have a choice we can transform our marriages into the healthy successful model we desire. Each principle has a related exercise aimed at getting you and your partner to recognize and master one of the ten choices.
Know God: though not expressly stated, Dr. Welch’s ten choices are based on biblical principles. For example, couples are encouraged to esteem their partner above themselves (Philippians 2:3) and not to lie or speak unkindly to each (Ephesians 4:29).
Know yourself: Dr. Welch invites couples to examine their past—current and previous relationships, as well as, family history—to understand why they make certain choices. But he doesn’t stop there. He gives them the tools to move forward and make better choices.
Run your race: 10 Choices Successful Couples includes many stories of various couples, this allows the reader to view the principles in action. This inspired me because it showed dynamic people with the ability to make choices to improve their marriages. If they can make better choices, so can I.
If you want your partner to be open to what you have to say, pay attention to how you say it.
Sometimes when we speak to our partners, especially when angry, we use our words as weapons. We use them to slash and slay with no thought to the person on the receiving end. Then, if the situation is repeated, we complain that our spouse doesn’t listen to us when the truth is we did not communicate in a way they could understand.
Choosing to stop replaying old tapes from your childhood and past relationships will set you free in ways you cannot imagine.
I’ve done it–I’ve used things from my past to judge people’s behavior. In a lot of cases, I was wrong. But for however long it takes for me to realize my error, I remain trapped in the cycles of my past.
Just like a healthy garden, a marriage needs to be tended and taken care of.
I love this image. It reminds me that marriage is hard but necessary work–work which provides fruit in due season.
Have you read 10 Choices Successful Couples? What did you think about it? I received an advance reader copy as part of the Revell Reads book blogger program.
Dr. Ron Welch (PsyD, Central Michigan University) is the author of The Controlling Husband and serves on the faculty of Denver Seminary.
With 25 years of experience in clinical psychology, Welch has developed the Transformational Marriage™ approach, which helps couples through counseling, seminars, and publications. He and his wife, Jan, live in Colorado.