Unworthy of God's grace.
I had gotten the word. I was fired up and motivated. I was feeling rejuvenated and positive – ready to sit back and let Jehovah fight my battles. Then I walked into the office. In less than five minutes I was snarling at my coworkers. Oh. My. Word.
The enemy always knows how to prick me where it hurts. My “Jesus-high” was gone.
I felt defeated.
Soiled and dirty.
Too sinful to pray or to ask God for forgiveness.
Too messed up to meditate on His word.
Too unworthy to even copy and paste my usual devotion to send out for my team.
In less time than it took to fully access my computer system I had shamed God and disappointed myself. How do I recover from my snarling insolence?
What message had I portrayed to those around me? Is this really who I am? If it is – can I get a make-over?
My imagination conjured up a man laughing at me and rubbing his hands in glee. He had accomplished what he had set out to do – the chasm between me and God widened in my mind until I felt like I was in complete and utter darkness.
I knew from previous experience that the longer the time between my sin and its confession, the more distant I would feel from God - the less I would feel like praying and the more unworthy I would feel to dig into His word.
Have you ever felt like that? Have you done something you felt was so wrong you couldn't tell God about it?
Apologize to the person whom we've hurt. Yikes! Gather up your courage, wear it like a blanket if you have to, but just get on with it. You'll feel so much better once you have. You'll also feel less like you're all alone in a dark pit and more like you can once again approach the throne of grace.
Seek and accept God’s forgiveness. At that point you'll realize a few things:
We can take comfort in the fact that when we fall, if we fall, we can confess our sins and receive forgiveness. Jesus our High Priest extends mercy, grace and strength. And maybe, just maybe we’ll remember this verse the next time:
“Today you are on the verge of battle with your enemies. Do not let your heart faint, do not be afraid, and do not tremble or be terrified because of them; for the LORD your God is He who goes with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.” Deuteronomy 20:3-4 (NKJV)
Let's chat: What was your "graceless" moment? How did you get the courage to confess it all to Jesus?