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Let’s face it: when it comes to mothers and their daughters, things can
get a little . . . complicated. Momplicated, you might say.
Whether your relationship with your mom has been wonderful or stressful, redeemed or broken, close or nonexistent, it’s one of your life’s most important and defining connections. Its effects have probably followed you into adulthood.
If you have conflicting feelings toward mom—or if you wish you could get past some of the baggage that holds you back—this is your book. Combining spiritual disciplines and the best of current therapeutic practice, It’s Momplicated will help you discover
How your early connection with your mother may have impacted your sense of self and your other important relationships—and what you can do to break the cycle
Why you and your mother have the relationship you have—the underlying reasons that may be contributing to strain and unease
Tools and exercises to help you cope with some of the most common effects of a broken relationship, including anxiety, depression, lack of confidence, and trust issues
How to be the daughter and mother God wants you to be even if your mom wasn’t who you needed her to be.
It’s never too late to love, never too late to heal, and never too late to trust God to turn the pain in your story into a redemption song. As you read It’s Momplicated, you’ll realize that while God doesn’t promise to fix all your circumstances, He does promise to uphold you and lead you to a healing place of knowing you are truly precious and loved, no matter how your past has affected you.
Have you ever thought about the legacy you received from your mom? I remember reading a book called Becoming my Mother when I was a teenager. The author was conflicted and stressed over the fact that she was behaving in ways that were typical of her mom, ways that she had disliked or frowned upon while growing up. By the end of the book, she had embraced it and had settled into the similarities between her and her mom. But what if the mother-daughter relationship left you with scars? What if the memories you have of your mom are more negative than positive?
It’s Momplicated walks you through the healing process. The writers gently inspire you to uncover the memories of your mother-daughter relationship and discover your momplications. As you work through your memories, they share stories of other women and their mothers – not for you to compare lives and to feel burdened, but for you to realize that healing is possible.
Know God – Both Joan and Kay recognize that true healing comes from our Heavenly Father. They encourage you to seek God during the healing process. The book includes Bible verses and biblical concepts for you to meditate on. Each chapter ends with a prayer related to the steps or lessons covered.
Know yourself – In order for you to be healed, you have to admit how your momplications have affected your life. Each woman will have a different story. As you work through the exercises in the book you’ll learn more about yourself, don’t be surprised if you realize some of your habits and practices are the result of hidden momplications.
Run your race – Every woman’s mother story is different. Our mothers leave different impressions on our lives and the way we respond to them will be unique. We have to be bold enough to walk the path we are given. We have to be brave enough to seek the healing that we need.
If you are a mom, always remember that you are partnering with God in the shaping and raising of lives that were created for his purposes. You are leaving heartprints daily on your children’s souls. Be careful, be prayerful, and be grateful for the calling of motherhood, quite possibly the highest calling of all. Receive your own healing from God, accept his love for you, and let God’s heart beat through yours—to those precious ones who call you Mom. Who you are stays with them forever and is passed on to the next generation. It is never too late to love, never too late to heal, and never too late to trust God to turn the pain in your story into a redemption song.
This is such a hopeful reminder. As moms, we don’t always think we’re doing a good job (despite how we may act). This is a subtle reminder that the work we do is precious and it’s something we can keep working on every day of our lives.
As we look at our lives now, we realize that God has been shaping us since day one. He was with us in our less-than-ideal moments and in our pain. Once we could grasp that truth, it became much easier to give the pain to Jesus for healing.
God is always with us. We may not believe it but as we look back at the path or lives have taken we are able to see His hand on or lives.
Shame may be the foundation of who you are right now, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Once you have identified the beliefs about yourself that might be fueling performance anxiety, perfectionism, narcissism, or people pleasing, you can begin to rewrite them.
Thank God that in Christ we are new creations. Our old self is stripped away and we are transformed in Him.
What are the words that repeat automatically in your mind? What thoughts immediately surface when you are in crisis?
Our default language tells us a lot about the lies that the enemy has told us. They give us the key to break free from the prison that he has us in. as we analyze the words we tell ourselves in times of stress, we can then use God’s truth to overwrite the lies in our minds.
Forgive your mom by releasing any right to punish her or take revenge for the ways she has hurt you. That is God’s business, not yours.
Vengeance belongs to God. Too often we get caught up in the world’s belief that we have to “defend” or “avenge” ourselves, but it never turns out the way we expect. The damage caused to others in our attempt at vengeance, is always greater than the hurt that we initially experienced. God is just. As the only One who knows the truth of the story He should have the final say on how the parties are judged.
I received a free copy of It’s Momplicated through the Lindsay Hartz Author Ambassador program and Net Galley as part of the book’s launch. A positive review was not required. Get your copy of It’s Momplicated on Amazon.
Debbie Alsdorf is committed to encouraging women to live a better story. Known affectionately as a cheerleader of hope, she has spent the past twenty years encouraging women to live in a new reality of trusting God with the pieces of their lives. When not serving her local community or spending time with her family, she spends her time speaking to women at conferences and retreats.
In addition to writing and speaking
she is the co-founder of Design4Living
Ministries, dedicated to equipping God's people for lives of faith through
discipleship, mentoring and healing retreats. Debbie has been a biblical
lay-counselor for twenty years, a certified life coach and a member of the
(American Association of Christian Counselors).
Joan Edwards Kay is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a private practice in the East Bay of San Francisco. Her mission is to help individuals and couples find freedom from old, painful beliefs and patterns so they can experience joyful connection with themselves, others, and God. Joan has been an adjunct professor at Western Seminary and has taught classes on various counseling topics at churches in her area.
She is a member of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and the American Association of Christian Counselors. Joan received her bachelor's degree from Vassar College and her master's degree from Western Seminary. Joan is happily married and has two adult daughters, four stepdaughters, and five grandchildren.